Danger Down Under
by LadyCordeliaStuart
Summary: A year after the events of Kangaroo Jack, Charlie and Jesse are happily married with a thriving hair care product business. But when Mr. Smith escapes from prison and returns for revenge, Jesse must outwit the ruthless hit man while Charlie and Louis race to save her.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

The man known as Mr. Smith sat in his prison cell, thinking.

He had been sitting in this particular prison cell for the past 13 months. That translated into more than 56 weeks, which translated into more than 392 days, which translated into more than 9,408 hours, which translated into more than 564,480 minutes.

And it was all because of two stupid, bumbling Yanks.

Even now, it was hard for him to believe how terribly his last job had fallen apart, when it had promised to be the easiest hit he'd ever been contracted to do. Heck, the two targets were delivering themselves to him, with the $50,000 contract in hand. And it wasn't like it was going to be difficult to off them once they showed up in the desolate backlands of Australia; one was a fat black moron and the other was a _hairdresser_.

If Sal Maggio's goons hadn't showed up, Charlie Carbone and Louis Booker would be buried in unmarked graves in the middle of nowhere. And that tasty little sheila they were with, well…

But all that was going to change today. Today, the bronze were going to transfer him to Fort Denison, a maximum security prison in Sydney Harbor. He'd been in the Alice Spring Correctional Facility for the past 13 months, but after he'd used a broken-off fork to gouge a fellow prisoner's eye out during a cafeteria brawl, the powers that be had decided he was more of a menace than they'd realized. So they'd hastily made a plan to transfer him to Sydney, where there were more guards to keep an eye on him.

A guard banged on his cell bars, jarring him out of his reverie. "All right, Smith, time to go."

Smith stood up and waited for the door to slide open, stepping forward and ignoring the guard disdainfully. As he started following the guard down the corridor, another one materialized behind him. He smiled sardonically; apparently they weren't taking any chances.

He was loaded into the waiting gray prison van, handcuffed to the bench and seated across from an armed guard who looked about eighteen years old. The ankle biter didn't even look like he could shave yet.

"G'day, mate," Smith said with a teasing smile. "Guess you're my babysitter for this little day trip."

"I'm not supposed to talk to you," the young guard said tightly, doing his best to avoid eye contact while still scrupulously keeping his eye on his prisoner.

Smith chuckled, leaning back into his seat. This was going to be a piece of cake.

…

The trip from Alice Springs to Sydney was going to take 24 hours, and Smith knew they would be stopping in the evening to stay the night at a hotel. But he wasn't going to wait that long.

He waited patiently for five hours, until they were well away from civilization, to make his move.

"Excuse me, mate, but do you mind pulling off for a second?" he asked in his most conciliatory tone. "I've got to see a man about a 'roo."

The guard fidgeted with his pistol nervously. "We're not scheduled for a gas stop for another two hours."

"Well, cobber, I'm afraid I won't be able to wait that long," Smith replied. "So unless you want to be sitting in a puddle of urine for the next two hours, you'd be smart to ask your driver friend to hit the brakes."

The guard thought hard for a few seconds, clearly weighing the two scenarios to decide which one was less unpleasant. Finally, he banged on the driver's window. "Hey! The con needs a bathroom break."

Smith could hear the driver grumbling, but he still pulled off the road (if you can call a gravel trail a road) onto the rocky sand beyond.

The young guard prodded Smith out of the vehicle warily. "All right, hurry up and get on with it."

"Much obliged," Smith replied with a grin, striding a few paces away from the van to a nearby tree and unzipping his pants. He really _did_ need to relieve himself, and he did so quickly. But as soon as he had readjusted, he let his leg crumble underneath him with a sharp cry of pain.

"Crikey!" he howled, clutching his leg. "I just got bit by a rattler!"

The young guard stood his ground unsurely. "Are you okay?"

"I don't think I can move, mate," Smith answered, letting a tone of panic color his voice. "You've got to help me, please! I don't want to lose me leg!"

The guard was really too tenderhearted to be a guard, and he started towards Smith hurriedly, reaching out a hand to help him stand up. "Let me see the bite so—"

That's when Smith pounced, grabbing the guard's arm with both hands and jerking him off his feet. The young officer yelped in surprise and grabbed for his gun, but Smith rolled over on top of him, catching him by the wrist to prevent him from aiming. The two men scrabbled frantically before Smith managed to jerk the gun out of the guard's hand, but he lost his grip as the guard struggled, and the gun skidded across the ground. He dove for it even as the guard scrambled to his feet with a shout of warning, starting to run for the van. But by now, Smith had scooped up the gun and aimed it with cool precision. He fired one round, which hit the guard on his side and sent him crumbling to the ground. He didn't move after that.

The driver was no more of a challenge. He was barely able to open his door before Smith was on top of him, yanking him out of the van carriage to spill out onto the ground. Smith didn't waste a bullet on him—he needed to preserve them. Instead, he knocked him out with a quick blow to the head.

His initial work done, he slipped into the police vehicle with a smile of smug satisfaction. Now the fun could really start.


	2. Chapter 1

Jesse Carbone stared down at the pregnancy stick in her hand. She had finally bought one after being late for two weeks. Now, as two pink lines stared back up at her, she knew for sure.

She was pregnant.

A flood of different emotions swept over her: elation, shock, uncertainty. She had always wanted to be a mother, and there was no one she'd rather share this journey with than her wonderful husband Charlie. But at the same time, the fact that she was really, truly pregnant was also a bit scary. Still, she couldn't wait to tell Charlie.

She was going to have to, though. He was out with Luis. _He's_ always _out with Luis_ , she thought a little bitterly. She understood the need for the two business partners to collaborate. And she was happy to tend to her population of bilbies—which had started to really thrive once she had the funds to support it. Hey, owning a multi-million dollar shampoo business definitely had its perks.

She glanced at the clock. 6:30. The two of them should have been home by now, but she knew how they could get sidetracked. Luis didn't live with them (thank heavens!) but he would be dropping Charlie off, screaming up the road in his tricked-out Jeep that he was ridiculously proud of. He'd altered the engine so that it could be heard from miles away, and the strobe lights on the roof were blinding. It fit Luis' personality, that's for sure.

Sure enough, she soon heard the familiar roar of Luis' Jeep. Minutes later, Charlie and Luis spilled through the door, sounding more like high school sophomores than slick business owners.

"Hi, honey," Charlie chirped, giving Jesse a quick peck on the lips.

"You're a bit late," she said, trying not to sound annoyed.

"That was my fault, Jesse," Luis spoke up quickly. _It always is._ "I was working on my latest and greatest—and just wait 'til you see it!" He dug into his backpack hurriedly, dropping bits of food and trash everywhere, before he triumphantly pulled out a bottle of orange gel. He snapped it open and waved it under Jesse's nose. "What do you think?"

She reflexively gave it a sniff. "It smells like… pizza?"

"That's right, baby!" Luis crowed, dancing around the room. "It's gonna be _huge_ with teenagers!"

"Really, Luis?" Jesse asked, unconvinced. _She'd_ certainly never put that pizza-smelling gunk in her hair. Who'd want to smell like cheese and garlic?

"Hey now, y'all mocked my waterproof mousse, too, and that's one of our best sellers now," Luis replied archly.

The oven dinged and Jesse went to pull her pork roast out. The mouth-watering scent wafted through the kitchen, and Luis groaned appreciatively.

"Hot mama, that smells delicious," he said. "I don't suppose…"

"I already set a place for you," Jesse replied with a good-natured shake of her head. If there was free food, Luis was there.

"Jesse, you are the _best_ ," he said with his signature grin. He snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering. "Hey! Charlie! I didn't show you my newest modification!"

"Another one?" Charlie groaned. "Luis, you've updated that Jeep more than a Bond car."

"And it's a sweeter ride, too," Luis replied proudly. "Come on, you've got to see this! It'll only take a minute. It's _so cool!_ "

Charlie rolled his eyes and followed his friend out the door. Jesse didn't bother. She didn't really care if Luis' Jeep could pop a wheelie or squirt water out its front (two features Luis had already installed). Honestly, as much as she enjoyed Luis' company, she would be glad when he was gone for the night. She didn't really want to break the baby news to Charlie when Luis was there… it was special, for just the two of them.

She started pulling glasses out of the cupboard to fill with milk. Suddenly there was a tremendous CRASH, followed by a howl of despair from Luis.

She dropped the milk carton with a thud and rushed outside—only to find Luis' Jeep backed through the fence enclosing her bilby collection. It had also nicked the main bibly structure, which had crashed onto the ground. Hundreds of bilbies were scattered everywhere, dashing about in a panic.

" _Luis!"_ Jesse cried in frustration, running to her precious bilbies. "What did you do?"

"I didn't mean to, Jesse!" Luis moaned contritely. "It was an accident! I'm sorry!'

It took them nearly four hours to catch all the frightened creatures and secure them in a makeshift enclosure. By the time they were done, they were exhausted. After Luis left, Jesse helped Charlie finish packing for his hair care convention he and Luis were going to the next morning. It was a three-day event in Sydney, and they'd need to leave early to make the first session.

Finally, everything was ready and the two of them could crawl into bed.

"Charlie?" Jesse started, some of her old excitement returning. "I have something to tell you."

But Charlie was fast asleep already.

Jesse sighed, laying back onto her pillow. She'd just have to tell him when he got back. It wasn't a big deal, really it wasn't…

But she couldn't shake the hurt that welled up in her heart. And it was a long time before she was finally able to drift asleep.


	3. Chapter 2

The next morning, Jesse was up before dawn, helping Charlie finish his last-minute packing. (He always forgot something, whether it was a toothbrush or his wallet.) She briefly considered blurting out her news while the two of them were waiting for Louis to pull up, but she decided not to. It wouldn't have been a happy announcement at the time; she was too stressed. And she didn't want to ruin such great news by delivering it in a bad mood.

Her mood wasn't just sour because of what had happened last night, though. There was a strange sense of foreboding burdening her heart, an unreasonable hint of unease she couldn't push away. She tried to tell herself she was being silly. She was probably just spooked at the thought of being alone on the ranch while Charlie and Louis were gone. But they weren't going to be gone long. And it's not like anything dangerous could happen. They were in the middle of nowhere.

Still, as Jesse heard the familiar roar of Louis' Jeep, the feeling suddenly grew so intense that she almost begged Charlie not to leave.

"Charlie—" she started, grabbing his sleeve as he was about to go out the door. _Don't be stupid_ , she scolded herself. So she forced a smile and said, "Call me when you get there, okay?"

Charlie might not have been the most perceptive man, but even he noticed something was off about his wife. "Hey, what is it?" he asked, turning back to her. "You look worried."

"I'm not," Jesse insisted, forcing her voice to sound far more lighthearted than she felt. "I just—it's a long drive."

Charlie grinned. "That's what Louis is for. He'll keep me awake."

As if on cue, there was an ear-splitting honk from outside. Jesse let herself laugh. "That's for sure."

She followed her husband out the door, waiting as he packed his bags into the trunk. Louis was leaning against the steering wheel, waiting. "What's taking so long, Charlie?" he asked. "We've got to hit the open road, man!"

"Jesse was worried about the drive," Charlie explained, slamming the back door shut.

"Hey, Jesse, don't worry your pretty head," Louis said stoutly. "I know this place can be scary without two strong men around, but everything will be fine." Inspiration struck him, and he started taking off his red jacket. "Here! Take my lucky jacket. That'll make you feel better."

"Louis, I can't take your—" Jesse tried to protest, but Louis was already thrusting it into her arms. He leaned across Charlie to throw it at her, smacking Charlie in the mouth with his elbow.

"Sorry, buddy, my bad," Louis apologized as Charlie grabbed his mouth with a yelp.

Jesse shook her head with a smile, pulling the jacket on over her tank top. "You guys be careful, _please_ ," she said one last time.

"Hey, we'll be fine," Charlie promised. "If Louis doesn't kill me. But we'd better be going." He grabbed her for a last kiss. "We'll be back before you know it."

Jesse watched as the Jeep pulled away (Louis almost took out the bilbie enclosure again but missed it—barely) and headed down the gravel driveway. She waved until it was out of sight.

When Jesse got back into the house, the clock read 7:05 a.m. She could have gone back to sleep if she wanted, but she was already awake by now. So instead, she made a quick breakfast and headed outside to take care of her bilbies.

Thankfully, the poor things had settled after their adventure the night before. Cooing at them affectionately, Jesse refilled their food and water containers. Then she walked the fence as she always did, just to make sure there were no weak spots where the bilbies might escape. As she approached the farthest corner away from the building, she thought she heard a vehicle approaching.

 _What did Charlie forget this time?_ she wondered in amusement, rolling her eyes.

She didn't bother hurrying back, since she knew he would tell her before leaving again. Instead, she finished her fence survey. When she was finished, she ended up back at the main building, though she couldn't see her house because she was approaching from the other side. This is where she kept the cages for wounded bilbies, so they could safely heal. There was only one wounded bilbie right now, a youngster that had cut its leg on some wire. But after three days, he was good to go.

Jesse scooped the bilbie out of the cage and gently deposited it on the ground, picking up the cage afterwards so that she could clean it out. As she did, she heard footsteps behind her. _Here he comes_.

"What'd you forget this time?" she laughed, turning around.

But the man behind her wasn't Charlie. It was a man she had hoped to never see again.

Mr. Smith leaned against the doorway, a wicked smile stretching across his face. "Hello, darlin'," he drawled. "Did you miss me?"


End file.
